Hmmm... Let's throw it all in there

I have never kept a blog before in my life, so I am not exactly sure how to do this, or what to say for that matter. I figured it would be interesting to try something new...

So, I got on a blog today that my friends and I used to use when we were in like 8th grade. Little did I know that my best friend for life, Allison Grace, was keeping a blog of her own on that account. She recently updated it and I was surprised to see what she had written. You see, Allison has gone out with my cousin... They broke up and she had a fit for a while, which is very much expected when you break up with somebody you "love." She has now come to the conclusion that she is in love with my brother, Curtis. I don't think he is that bad, but she refuses to find a reason that she should like him. She talks about him all of the time and has even started coming up with quotes that she claims pertain to her feelings for him. I believe he likes her back, as does the rest of my family, but she refuses to believe that he will EVER like her back.

A little something about what is going on in my life right now.... There is this guy named Stephen that I have fallen for. I like to believe that I love him, because I do, but it is hard for me to believe that he loves me back. He says he will never hurt me and that we will be together forever, but I don't know if he means it. I guess what my problem is is that I am very scared of being hurt by something like breaking up with him. It makes me so paranoid thinking about the fact that there are so many other girls out there waiting to snatch him out of my iron grip. I love him with all of my heart right now and I know it is going to hurt like hell if anything ever happens.

Another one of my problems is that I have is that I am afraid of death. Last year was the HARDEST year of my ENTIRE life. I am only 16 years old, but I am pretty sure nothing could hurt that bad. I lost both of my grandmothers within 6 months of each other and I blamed God for making me miserable and taking the people I love away from me. I yelled at him and screamed at him to no end... until I came to realize that I was just being selfish. God needed them. It is as simple as that. I miss them dearly and forever, but I know I will see them again someday. After I lost them then my great-grandfather passed away, and then my great-uncle, and my great-aunt... So many people in my life are gone forever and I am scared that one day I will be left alone with nobody to love me or for me to love. I guess it sounds kind of crazy but it is true.

Well, I guess I have rambled enough for one night...

Forever and Always,
Sarah