Troubled Thoughts...

For a while now, I have been feeling pretty down. Things that I need to happen, just aren't happening. I try So hard to tell him that, somehow, we need to fix things. I am personally willing to do Anything I need to in order to make things a little better. But. Here lies the problem. He tells me. No. Promises me that he will be or at least try to be a little bit better with trying to balance everything in his life, including me. The only problem is that even the day after we talk and I feel so much better for getting everything off my chest and out in the open, he is back to his old habits. I don't think he realizes how Much he is hurting me, every Single time he doesn't follow through. Lately, I have thought of maybe giving him the option of taking a little bit of time to think about whether he Really wants me. Sometimes, I actually think he just loves me out of convenience. I just can't bring myself to suggest it though. I don't want to lose him. I love him so so so much. I need to get through to him somehow. Promises. Promises. Promises. To some people, I guess they don't mean much. :\

Jealousy. I don't like being jealous. I don't like the feeling it brings or the things it makes you imagine. I try not to be a jealous person. I actually am not generally jealous... It is kind of an easy thing to train in most circumstances. A couple of things I used to be jealous of that I didn't really like At All... I was jealous the fact that Stephen used to change his relationship status on Facebook for his past girlfriends, but not for me. I was jealous that he already has somebody set as his girlfriend on Facebook, that is not me. I was jealous when I saw somebody call him "baby" or anything like that besides me. I was jealous of the picture, even though it isn't even there anymore. I was jealous of Megan. I was jealous of the ring. I'm sometimes jealous of the time that gets spent with other people instead of me, especially when I feel deprived of it in the first place. I feel like a selfish person sometimes, because I think these things. I don't act on any of them or even tell anybody about them ( well I guess now whoever reads this will know). I still just don't like it.

I want to write more, but I'm just complaining and I'm tired. Plus, Who really wants to read about My problems? :\

Sarah